Recently I met with our DA to address various concerns related to the handling of DV cases. One issue I addressed is the fact that approximately 1 in 4 victims/survivors I’ve known has been wrongly arrested for “domestic violence”, or had a protective order placed on them by their abuser. Some studies have found that mandatory arrest policies have resulted in higher arrest rates of battered women, and one British study found that women were arrested for DV 3x more often than men.Read More
"What you thought before has led to every choice you have made, and this adds up to you at this moment. If you want to change who you are physically, mentally, and spiritually, you will have to change what you THINK." - Dr. Patrick Gentempo
I believe there is much wisdom in the above statement. Major shifts in thinking - both personal and societal - are difficult, but these are the essential first steps to ending domestic violence.
ABUSERS think they can keep their partners in their lives by using control and intimidation and instilling fear in their partners, but instead, it is this very behavior that drives them away.
VICTIMS, on the other hand, think if they can just get their partners some kind of mental health or medical help, or change their own behavior, the abuse will stop.
This month I have been pondering how misunderstood and marginalized DV victims are. Crimes against women are unique, as they are the only criminal acts for which the victims are consistently blamed, directly and indirectly. (Have you ever heard the victim of a holdup asked, “What were you wearing when he robbed you?”, “What did you do to provoke him?”, or “Were you ever robbed as a child?”) Women are routinely accused of provoking the crimes committed against them, especially those involving sexual or physical assault. It makes the accusers feel smarter and safer in the world. In 2018, victim blaming is still very much part and parcel of our society’s response.Read More